There are numerous books out there to help parents understand their child and communicate with him/her. I hope you find the reviews helpful in choosing a book and author that suits your needs and parenting style. You may notice some overlap in some of the concepts within the books, relationship and communication being one of the themes.

Attention Games by Barbara Sher

Does your child have a hard time focusing? This book is a great resource for activities to help children learn focusing and pay attention from infancy to teenage. The author gives a short, but amazing, explanation of attention deficit disorder in children and how it is not a hinder. She also goes over open vs. global attention and the necessity of each. The book is simply laid out into sections depending on age group. Within the sections are games. For each game, there is an explanation of the game, type of attention that is encouraged, materials needed (usually around the house or light budget things), directions, variations for the game, and what the child will be learning. The games are independent of each other so the reader can pick and choose and not feel the need to go in order. Easy to read and logical.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

This book is a great base for communicating with your child. There are certain parts that I recommend especially; those parts are the ones I will focus on here. The authors advise giving your child your full attention when s/he talks to you and naming their feelings. I agree with these things whole-heartedly. They encourage acceptance of your child’s feelings and give clear dialogue examples to help put it into real life. When feelings are accepted and reflected, conversation and exploration is encouraged. An explanation of why some other forms of reflections are not ideal is provided as well. Choice-giving is a great alternative to punishment which is addressed briefly. There is also a helpful chapter on encouraging autonomy. Overall, I would recommend this book if you are finding yourself feeling stuck with communicating with your child.

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, PH.D.

This book focuses on twelve strategies to help integrate all parts of a child’s brain thus developing a healthy brain that is used to its fullest capacity benefiting them and everyone around them. This will help a child have more stability in their lives. It is easy to read with simple explanations and every day examples. Each section discusses the hemispheres of the brain, the upper and lower portions, the whole self, and then how the whole self may connect with others by tying it all together. A strategy of how to help your child connect with that part of the brain being discussed is provided. For instance, a connect-and-redirect strategy is provided to help the hemispheres connect or can be utilized when needing to connect with one of the hemispheres of the brain so the child feels heard and is able to communicate more fluidly. Another strategy is introduced to help a child calm down when upset involving acknowledgement (in right hemisphere). The author’s examples and illustrations are realistic and feasible. The entire book is helpful no matter what you are experiencing with your child. I feel even if your child is pretty balanced, you will likely go away from reading this book having learned something new and practical that you can do immediately.

Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

This book is packed with a lot of information. Parts of the book are easy to read and follow, while other parts are more complex and take a bit more energy to consume. It starts off with how your own childhood experiences influence you as a parent. Memory and how the brain processes memories are explained. A part that I especially enjoyed is the explanation how a person can have experiences and not have them in their awareness until something triggers the memory to the surface. When the memory is recalled, it can have influence on how the person responds in a situation. This can be done without the person even being aware of the influence (implicit memory). Becoming more aware of oneself, a parent can rewrite how they respond with their child so they can shift from a more automatic response to a more present one. The authors explain this process in more detail and help a person explore themselves. Once a person is more aware of themselves, the parent can then help their child accept their feelings as well and can do this by reflecting feelings which is also addressed in more detail. The different attachment styles within a parent-child relationship and within adult relationships is explained which can be helpful to be aware of. Lastly, the healing process, ways of reflecting during loss, what happens during trauma, and repairing mishaps are all gone over in the end. So much information jam packed into one book! A person could pick and choose which chapters to read but it does seem helpful to read in order. 

Published in Boulder County Kids Newsletter Summer 2015